Wednesday, May 30, 2007
saw you sitting all alone. you're fragile and you're cold. but thats alright. life these days are getting rough. they knock you down and beat you up. but its just a rollercoaster anyway. its not right, not ok. say the words that you say. maybe we're better off this way? im not fine, im in pain, its harder everday. but maybe we're better off this way. maybe its better that we break.
i just watched miss universe and i cant stop laughing. HAHAHA. well, ok, i'll get to that later. japan won! seriously, the asians were owning! haha! and did i mention miss korea is damn HOT! haha so is china(HAHAHAHAHA) japan's evening gown was damn pretty la. oh ohk, anyways... MISS USA FELL DURING THE EVENING GOWN SECTION. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. seriously, if i see it now, i'll still laugh. youtube's a bitch la, the pagent was only shown this morning la, not even 24 hrs the vid in already. wth. but.. even after she fell, she still beat like 5 of them and made it to top 5 la, so you...... can go figure!
ok enough of that, i got fricking locked out of home after soccer la. my family went to watch a stinking movie at 845 and i forgot to bring my keys! yeah, but thank god i wasnt alone leh. beka was locked out with me. HAHA. we tried 'breaking in' tho. sounds kinda wrong since its our own place. oh wth. we went all the way to GWC to take the keys anyways! fricking hell im like dead tired now.
its all too late to say the words that would mend the things that were broken. im gone away. dont cry, but think back at the times when i made you smile. rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice.
Friday, May 25, 2007
in a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light. whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost, or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters, or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. we all need something to help us get through the night. even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope.
human beings are designed for many things. loneliness isn't one of them.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
hi dez. happy stinking 18 birthday. you look great, and more like a girl. caught POTC yesterday. wwahahahahahaha CHOW YUN FAT DIED BTW. AND WILL TURNER GOT STABBED IN THE HEART BY DAVVY JONES. WAHHAHA. SO JACK SPARROW HAD TO MAKE WILL STAB DAVVY JONES HEART AND THAT LED HIM TO TAKE OVER HIS SHIP. WOOHHOOOOOO!!!!! ELIZABETH BECAME CAPTAIN OF CHOW YUN FATTS SHIP. (ok i dont rmb his name in the show ok. time to catch it again. wahha.)HAHAHA. ok zouk after that. ehhh damn packed! but was quite fun ah despite the drama that came along with it! anywaaaaaaayyyyyyssssssssssssssss. HAIRPEE BIRTHDAY AGAIN DEZ, you stink but i still love you. WAHAHA.
i cant do this alone
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
i cant trust you.
i dont believe how someone can tell you how much they wanna be with you in the front and yet behind you.. ohk you dont wanna know. but sometimes, i just feel so betrayed. like someone you trust so much to do something you wouldnt even imagine in your wildest dreams. like you expect that person to be the best he can be, and yet, in the end all you get is disappointment & sometimes a broken heart. you think he's one thing in front of you, but he's not. you expect that person, to be better than he is. to be a better person than he seems. but no, the truth will hit you in the face, like when shit hits the fan. and then only you'll realise that, no he's not the one for you. no, he's not the person you think he is. and that he's just like any other passing face you see on the streets, fake & unrealistic.
im not your stand-in. i know im better than that. so dont come. dont come.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
im sick of second chances, cigarettes turns to ashes. i watched the hours pass us, another one turns to ashes. im waiting for your phone call, to come and save me so that you can break my fall.
is there really a point of no return? where something you've done, can never be erased, can never be forgiven, and forgot? i guess its true, passing the point of no return. well this may sound very POTO(phamtom of the opera btw), but yeah, our histories always comes back and bites us. our history, or our reputation some might call it, scares a few of us. like what if the same shits gonna happen all over again. and you might say now, that no, im sure, it wouldnt. but hell! words always makes situations seem deeper, darker and more twisty than it is! and you know, words are also stuff people say, that makes things twice as complicated! words strangle your mind. they question you, and make you more confused than you already are!
so no, sometimes you cannot really believe what certain people say. in fact, i dont believe in anyone anymore. trust is lost in our generation. people just lie, all the time. just weaves and weaves of lies. and sometimes they just get so good at it, you wouldnt know who to believe anymore, cause once you've dug deep and cut out all the layer of lies on the top, the truth has already found itself a way into creeping onto our hearts. and yeah the truth sucks. it hurts like hell. but we still have to suck it up and swallow it no matter how nasty the taste is. cause thats life, and if it doesnt kill you, it'll only make you stronger.
you might say im afraid, damn right you are. im afraid of not being a better person. im afraid of being a fricking substitute. im afraid of you and of the way you make me feel. im afraid of falling into something i know i shouldnt. im afraid of myself, of what i do, what i decide and how i feel.
i'll take my heart, rip my feelings out. before they make me doubt my existence. im done hurting.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
i think sometimes all we need is something to distract us from whats happening around us. the drama, the tension, the emotions.
i've been home late like 3 out of 4 days of the week!(so far that is) sunday i was being a plain bummer, sitting on my sofa couch, playing cs with nick and alex, eating kitkats and popiahs and duck and fake meat fried rice! fake meat meaning vegetarian, duh. HAHA. mondaayyy which was yesterday's yesterday.. i went for tennis with carmbaby and ernest! haha adn i have to mention.. i was feeding the fricking mosquitoes! the coach was damn old and he had knee problems yanno? and i think whatever balls i hit are magnets to him cs they just keep flying to him. NOT MY FAULT THEREEEEE. HAHAHA!! at least my toenails arent like carms. HAHA. ohk no link. anyway, yesterday had soccer training. ehhh, the field was damn muddy and shit la, i think i smelled like poo after training. ew. today i had class which ended at 3 but had to wait for stinky ji ji to end his fricking class. owells his hockey friend like hot la so i dont really lose out right! AHAH. anyways. everyday in class is sucha joy! i think i have the best class mates yet! we talk to each other like we've known for years! and i think derek is gay. mean WTH IS KYOCHI! HAHA KYOCHIBYE! HAHAHA. ohk i think only fel will get me on that. go escape yur mind ah fel. what you reading?!!!! HAHA.ohk. i watched grey's finallllllllyyy. woohoooooooo. and ive watched OTH 17. HOHOOOOOOOOOO. spoilers anyone? oh, yanno ji ji has this really cool&awesome friend who looks like ash ketchem!(is that how you spell it?) he's so my bfffffffffffffff.(boy fricking fricking fricking................freaky friend!) HAHA YEAH YE GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!
maybe we accept that sometimes the dream has become a nightmare. we tell ourselves that reality is better. we convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. but, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. we wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful. and, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream at all.
separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us. stay away from me.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
HAHAHA carmen's photography skills kinda lousy la so dont blame her. her healthy like distracting her. thats ernest btw! my friend whose head is filled with only coconut water.
please dont come back
Saturday, May 12, 2007
we will never be. and if you come back, i'll be long gone. so thank you, cause now you made me that much stronger.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
and all the memories will never fade for years and years in my heart you’ll stay. they were always for you. always for you.
HAHA, ohk this is a totally random one. but check it out man, i uploaded many interesting pictures. ahhaha! i'll try and explain it all for you. well as you can see, i love taking random pictures of people who make me go ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. ohk more like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. well the first one is..(the one on the left at the top most corner) is some ah lian with her 'boyfie', i dont think you can see very clearly, but she was wearing this hideous pair of purple coloured pants. HAHAH and when i say hideous, i mean HIDEOUS. i mean, it looks like something i'd wipe cat shit off the floor with, get what i mean? looks like a bloody rag la to put it in short! HAHA, mm and the 2nd one, is major fashion statement! HAHA. ok not, it is basically this bunch of banglahs off work going out to party with their favourite pair of bellbottoms. HAHAH how cool is that, imma get one pair soon also! but i'll let you see only if you ask nicely.
haha, the third one is.... HAHA seriously i myself have no idea what that bunch of black stuff is doing on his head. dez would say, it looks like pubes. HAHAHAHAA. yeah and the fourth one is when i ALMOST got knocked down by a really gigantor lorry. and when i looked up HENG HENG SIAH! HAHA ok not true, but its funny right? who the hell would name their shop HENG HENG SIAH, machiam damn heng like that!
HAHA OK THIS PIC IS THE BOMB! favourite past time i swear! haha yeah you guessed it. we just looooove taxi drivers with really cool parents that give them really cool names! damn you guys brighten up our lives, i dedicate this post to lee ah pee, teo ming por and all others who have been extremely humiliated by us.
OH the next picture is when we were at labyrinth, then this buncha brain-injured people hogging the photo-hunt machine which is the only entertainment me and ah eh get when theres no soccer on ESPN. check out the rolls of fat on her, wahseh, think she never heard of e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e, still got cheek to hog photohut machine!
ohk the indian is my friend la, but i wanted to put him there. cause he looked funny. HAHA, he even introduced me to a really cool webpage called www.tamilbeat.com GO CHECK IT OUT! SOME REALLY REALLY AWESOME TUNES THERE. HAHA. ohk not, it was actually chenyang who gave me that link, and no i dont have such a cool tamil friend, if only i had one den i'd be rocking cool. HAHA OK NEXT!
ehh, thats actually orky's and kayt's and jeremy's colleague when they were working at mt faber. HAHAHA she couldnt stop yakking so i got bored. HAHA, she actually looks quite constipated in dots, HAHAHA oh and cheryl was wearing dots on that day too. HAHA SISTERS FOR LIFE!
wahh i'll never end my post if i go one by one! i think i'll just sum it up la since im so lazy. thats some really sexy dude posing for my cam on the MRT. hahaha, what was going through his mind? haha honestly, i have no idea. maybe he was just trying to air his balls? haha guess we'll never know! well the next two is just two aunties sitting on the bus in really really awkward positions. AHAH, yeah i started laughing to myself. owells, old people are queer! HAHA, ohk, you might wanna look more closely at this, those are two girls on the MRT, in dots, AGAIN! cheryls long lost siblings. ahhaha! WOW, ok, smell this, i mean, look at the next one, one whole row dominated by the banglah race. i think first they start to conquer our trains, next..............
AHHA oh, TOPSHOP STAFF TOTALLY CLEAN THEIR OWN WINDOWS. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ohk dont laugh la, next time if they cannot find job at least can make it as window wipers right? WHAT CAN YOU DO? (ha ha ha haa)
ohk i like this last one, i was in school today q-ing for bubble tea with felicia, someone had hair just like in the last pic, i dared her to flick it and she did. i must admit, it looked really tempting! HAHA, bloody flicker of buns. i wanted to flick it too! but the girl looked sad, and she was really fat.
i will not rise from the ashes, dont call me pretentious.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
lets all just stick as friends, life would be much much much easier.
i thought i knew you. but i guess its easier.. to see what we want, than to look for the truth. you think you know me but you dont; and that means you dont know what i can do. you see me as someone who has all the answers; thats not true. i may not always know what im doing... but ill try make things better. and when i make a mistake... because face it, we all do... i promise ill ask for your help. i cant do this alone. but if youll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. i promise, if you believe in me, ill find the courage to reach for your every dream. John F. Kennedy said; "the courage of life is a magnificent mixture triumph and tragedy. a man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences... in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures.. and that is the basis of all morality."
you see, a funny thing happened, you showed me the good in everybody, if you just gave them a chance, the benefit of the doubt. sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they surprise you. but you never really get to know them, until you listen to whats in their hearts.
but dont blame me for shutting anyone out, till you get to be here in my shoes, dont blame me. cause a while ago, everyone told me dont, dont choose you. cause i'll end up getting hurt just like before, but i guess i took and chance and believed in you when you said forever, i guess i took a risk when i held your hand and walked out the door. but now i see your just like the words, empty and cold.
maybe its best you all leave me alone
Monday, May 07, 2007
if you ever believe this is what you need, it will spin around and shatter throw you to the floor and leaves us in the cold.
do people get pleasure in hurting me? sometimes i think i have this really big bubble above my head saying 'please come into my life make me fall for you then break my heart leaving'. well. leaving me all alone empty is fine, but just dont come back. why do they always have to come back, make your life more complicated than it already is? do people get pleasure in creeping into my heart then leaving so abruptly? what are people thinking! i dont need all this really. i was doing fine, fine without feeling so much for someone. fine when the friends were there. fine when i was free to do what i wanted. fine after 2 fucking months of lonliness and heartache. fine after i had to pick myself up all over again. fine after i finally got over mr heartbreaker. fine when all i wanted to do was to have fun. fine when we were just friends. very fine and very happy mind you.
and FYI, i am NOT emotionally unstable, and i didnt need anyone to lean on. i just fell into something i knew i shouldnt have.
and i thought god made it sure that lightning never struck twice.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you cant have. desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. desire can wreck your life. but as tough as wanting something can be. the people who suffer the most, are those who dont know what they want.
hahahaha damn sorry man but i just HAD to do that to ronaldo's cocky face. can't stand him! anyways, man utd won 1-0 yesterday, no thanks to ronaldo's penalty, i mean like, hello? he ain't even a bloody striker la, why does HE get to take penalties! he's not THAT great, if yanno what i mean. he just dives his way to penalties la please. OHHHH, big big biiiigggggggggggggg thanks to van der sar who totally saved the game and my day. heh.
anways, friiiiiikin school starts again tmrw, can you believe it? the weekend just passed like................... ohk, you know what i mean. wth man, i barely enjoyed it! it was kinda crappy if you asked me. ANYYWAAYY, mr wayniq's coming back today, so my sisters a happy camper. PLUS she has no school + no exams + 3 friikin months of holidays with wayniq by her side. haha. damn am i gonna see him alot.
speaking about holidays.. what the hell happened to mine man! ohk.. i think mine was awesome la! we totally went all over singapore + a little bit of malaysia. HAHA. i can totally imagine it happening all over again. likeeee hanging around no where till 3 4 5 6 in the morning, NO WORK NO SCHOOL LOTSA $$$! WAHHAHA. ohhhhhhhh, and i think it was the only holiday where i ate so much donuts i felt like puking even at the sight and smell of it. ewww. oh did i mention go kart-ing, HAHA. BUANG LIKE MAD!! yeah the bloody machine couldnt even start after me and ah eh hit each other and flew opposite directions. HAHHA. ok i think now i feel like eating donuts.
ehh by the wayyy.. why is everyone q-ing for donuts at donut factory? frankly speaking, it aint that great. i only like the strawberry ones. dunkin donuts are soo much better. i think if singapore had dunkin donuts, everyone would be like homer simpson since singaporeans are already so crazy over donut factory donuts. ew lets stop talking about donuts.
yesterday.... sucked. seriously! futsal training sucked. like, pointless la really. 6 girls only play what shit. my side table's infested by ants yanno? AND THEIR CRAWLING ALL OVER AND ITS PISSING ME OFF, I NEED SOME KINDA AWESOME INVENTION TO WIPE OUT THESE PUNY BASTARDS FROM THE FACE OF THE BLOODY UNIVERSE. ohk, no more anger.
and i dont like watching tripple X and their gonna show it on channel 5, so if i stay home today,most likely i'll be sleeping or watching one tree hill allover again, OH YA, HAHAHAHA OTH EPISODE 16 IS OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.(HAVE YOU WATCHED IT DEZ?) can you please go watch it? its kinda cool and exciting watching peyton act like a retard in distress.
some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. at some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? its hard not to be haunted by our past. our history is what shapes us... what guides us. our history resurfaces time after time after time. so we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we are making today.
Friday, May 04, 2007
its hard to say forever, its hard to say i'll never ever go.
HAHA i just blogged,on my other blog for LMS. haha, i was cracking my brains wide open la! damn retarded, i wasnt allowed to type 'haha, hehe, hoho, fuck, shit, ass, hell' so it was quite difficult ohk. like writing some composition just that its informal. hahah rubbish. im hungry anyway. I have no school today! so pretty much still lazing on my bed. wahhaa. yesterday's soccer training was quite retarded also la. like no shooting practice and shit. wtf. we passed balls. and passed balls. and passed balls. and ran and did like physical exercises. NO GAME NO SHOOTING PRAC. wahseh. not fun. hope tmrws futsal will be damn fun. HOPE! somemore got boys to see eh not so bad! HAHA.
OH, ya, during training yesterday, my seniors kept imitating the dragonboat training la. HAHA, DAMN DAMN DAMN FUNNY! their training like quite spastic la. run run run run, in the end also row boat only. but major plus point, the guys like damn hot la, BODS i mean. but if your bod damn sexy face ugly, SUPER turn off right. eeee. gross. actually i've got nothing to blog about, but since i was already in the page for LMS, might as well. todays happy hour, yay. a time to catch up with everyone else. and i know man utd lost 3-0.im still depressed so dont talk to me.
i never said that i didnt need you,put down your arms and wrap them both, right around me.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
turn over everything, time can heal us again. im tender in your arms. reaching inside of me, bringing the love i need, the loniness has gone.
guess your wondering why im back so early. muahaha. i ended at 11 today! well.. im supposed to attend a make-up lecture later on at 5-7 but i decided not to go cause im being a pig like i always am. haha, anyways, tmrw i have class till late at night so its kinda bothering and spoiling my day today! tmrw i've make-up BLAW lecture so actually makes so ass difference even when we have an assy labour day holiday. sucks even more cause we have to repay with the next few days of our school! but this week's e learning so it aint that bad! dont have to attend BCA, IAC and LMS classes. haha so im pretty much lessened of my burden you can say! tmrw soccer yayyyy, finally im getting a little exercise! i've been so much of a pig this holidays i even get tired after so much of the thought of climbing the stairs.HAHA. ohk la im quite fit really. haha. futsal on sat too! wha wha much exercise this week, i dont think i will die. right? ohk. so maybe i was a little skeptical that i'd actually have fun with my current classmates, guess they aint so bad afterall! guys are guys and they just make you laugh all the same right? & felicia you freaking idiot you can be my best friend and make fun of everyones names with me. haha!
haha, i think you've been slow on my life, cause pretty alot has happened recently! haha. im still trying to accept some facts, and somehow trying to avoid the others. somehow im feeling like i dont wanna be tied down. on the other hand..... haha. dont tell you. anyway what im trying to tell you is.. no matter how much you try and run away from a situation, it always catches up with you, grabs your hand and pulls you back. bottom line? haha, you can never run away from reality. (no matter how hard you try and live in denial) its always there at the back of your mind and you just duwanna face it. yeah it'll slowly creep in, in time to come, you find yourself eaten up by this feeling. and nope, you cant stop it till you deal with it, fight it and kill it.
so dont give up on me, our love is like the sea, surrounding me.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
i say im looking for happiness, but when it comes, i run away from it. i tell myself i dont deserve this. theres not much that you can do, cause the rest is up to me, until i deal with it today, i'll keep on running.
the streets are dark my pulse is flat-lined as im running to you. you sit completely unaware of what im about to do. the air is think with tension much like when we are together. my fangs are aching as im pondering about you and i forever. as i round the corner i am nervous that you wont be my lover. i knock three times and hope that my pale complexion wont blow my cover. my brain is pumping an unusual secretion of lust. your eyes are softer now and your chin it drips a bloody colour of rust. i am raising up the stakes of this round,i am playing for keeps. would you like to leave this human race,tonight?
follow me into the sea, we'll drown together and immortalize you and me, leave behind this lonely town, we are both better than this, its not worth being down.
eternity, will never be enough for me.
a thousand miles seems pretty far but we've got planes and trains and cars i'd walk to you if i'd had no other way.